“I’m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe
We often leave the first part of this quote off. It feels better to just be empowered, doesn’t it? To scream “accept me”. To cry “love me”. Yet by ignoring the first half we only put the burden on others w/o turning an understanding eye on ourselves. When we partake in the #toxicpositivity of ignoring the shadow side we don’t have a full picture. And honestly, this is a recipe for unhappiness. It is only in embracing and loving and forgiving and working WITH our darker less perfect nature can we expect anyone else to do the same. And how many humans have pasted this quote and have not given that same unconditional acceptance to someone else. Personally, I might not want someone’s “best” if their worst makes me miserable. Come to think of it I’ve done that with many many (MANY) co-dependant miserable relationships. I don’t want that for me and I sure as heck don’t want to foist it on someone else
Because that’s the thing, we don’t have healthy boundaries so we don’t understand what that means. We can have our reasons for our less pleasant side but that in no way makes anyone else beholden to putting up with them. Each of us gets to choose what is acceptable. What is tenable w/in the context of relationships? And relationships are not quid pro quo, end sum equations. We don’t get to, or should I say it’s not healthy, to keep a balance sheet that says I get to be this if you want this. That’s simply not how it works. When we learn that each person has their limits, their triggers, their abilities we stop thinking of them as accepting or rejecting us and come to understand that it’s always been about what they can handle and accept for themselves. Telling them they don’t “deserve” your best because of what they can and cannot handle shows a lack of compassion. And my friends, compassion starts at home.
What we think about ourselves, how we treat ourselves, that is how we treat others. And that’s what I’m here to unravel. The most important relationship in our whole lives. Ourselves.
We spend so much energy and time seeking out love and acceptance outside of ourselves that we forget we get to have both right here. Right now. And when we give that gift to ourselves it’s easier to share it with others, and it’s easier to understand that someone else’s journey doesn’t have to reflect on our worth or value or lovability. #aswithinsowithout And don’t others deserve happiness as well?
And so it begins for me. I’m reclaiming my power. I’m learning to love, accept, treasure, and understand myself. It doesn’t mean I’m not already lovable. I’ve got a lot of great qualities and I’m very generous and caring, all of that is true. Yet that can all be true as well as understanding – I’m volatile, controlling, suspicious, and really hard to love because of my fears. My walls are high and fortified and I’m done asking other people to do the work to tear them down. I’m done putting all my worth and happiness on someone else’s shoulders.
self-love is not ego it’s germane to our very existence, the foundation of all things. And when we learn to love ourselves exactly as we are then we can begin to allow others to do the same. I’m not asking anyone to fix me anymore or to complete me. I am complete. And when I truly embody that, maybe then I’ll be willing to share that fully with others. #breakingdownthewalls